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Post by Whiskers on Jul 26, 2006 11:33:56 GMT -6
Maybe it would be easier for Sally to find a couple geese.A nice pair of honkers never hurt....
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Hoot
Crappie
Posts: 310
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Post by Hoot on Jul 26, 2006 21:19:23 GMT -6
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Post by Whiskers on Jul 26, 2006 21:29:17 GMT -6
well off the record, alot of us like to carry on conversations about big hooters....lol ;D
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Post by donkey on Jul 27, 2006 2:07:05 GMT -6
A man is showering up in a locker room with his buddy when he notices his > friend is very well endowed. > > "d@mn Bob, you're hung!" Jim exclaims. > > "I wasn't always this impressive, I had to work for it." > > "What do you mean?" Jim asked. > > "Well, every day for the past two years I've spent an hour each night > rubbing it with butter. I know it sounds crazy but it actually made it grow > 4 inches! You should try it." > > Jim agrees and the two say good bye. > > A few months later the two are in the same locker room and Bob asks Jim how > his situation was. > > Jim replied,"I did what you said, Bob, but I've actually gotten smaller! - I > lost two inches already!" > > "Did you do everything I told you? An hour each day with butter?" > > "Well, I was out of butter, so I've been using Crisco." > > "Crisco?!?" Bob exclaimed. > > "Dammit, Jim, Crisco's shortening!!!!" > > You gotta follow the recipe!
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Post by donkey on Jul 27, 2006 2:09:04 GMT -6
New Lexus
I bought a new Lexus 350 and returned to the dealer the next day complaining that I couldn’t figure out how the radio worked. The salesman explained that the radio was voice activated.
“Watch this!”, he said, “Nelson”!
The Radio replied, “Ricky or Willie?”
“Willie!”, He continued and “On The Road Again” came from the speakers. Then he said, “Ray Charles!”, and in an instant “Georgia On My Mind”
replaced Willie Nelson.
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, “Beethoven,” I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said, “Beatles,” I’d get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car,
but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, “Ass Holes!”
Immediately the French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks, with John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.
d@mn, I LOVE this car!
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Sinker
Crappie
2005
Posts: 435
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Post by Sinker on Jul 27, 2006 2:16:03 GMT -6
Dadgummit, Donkey. That's th bestest dern joke u ever told!
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Post by donkey on Jul 27, 2006 13:52:40 GMT -6
Yeah, reckon I'll havta stop usin crisco.
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Hoot
Crappie
Posts: 310
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Post by Hoot on Jul 27, 2006 22:17:39 GMT -6
OK, TALK ABOUT BIG HOOTERS, SEE IF I CARE.
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Post by Wolfman on Aug 1, 2006 23:44:48 GMT -6
Well the thing about big hooters is their like TV Knobs. With a T^V you get your hand on the knobs you change the channel. With big hooters you get your hands on them you can usualy change the womans Mood! You know, women are wonderous animals. They can give milk without eatting grass. They can bleed for three days without dieing. And they can bury a 6 inch bone and never get their nose dirty!
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Post by Whiskers on Aug 3, 2006 14:13:07 GMT -6
On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my wife mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung!"
I took a drink from my can of Bud Light, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then calmly replied,
"I am. That's why she cuts the grass."
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Post by Wolfman on Aug 4, 2006 1:51:38 GMT -6
You wish, Tiny!
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Hoot
Crappie
Posts: 310
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Post by Hoot on Aug 4, 2006 14:49:17 GMT -6
I MOW OUR YARD, BECAUSE IT GIVES ME A CHANCE TO BE OUT IN THE SUN. I'M NOT ONE TO JUST LAYOUT, IFIN I HAVE A OUTSIDE JOB, THEN I'M MORE THAN HAPPY TO DO IT. ;D
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Sinker
Crappie
2005
Posts: 435
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Post by Sinker on Aug 8, 2006 20:48:36 GMT -6
Subject: A little Iowa Farm humor... > > > > An Iowa farmer was sitting at the table, while his wife was > > preparing dinner. His wife dropped a spoon and bent over to pick it > > up. As she bent over, the farmer said, "Honey, your butt is as big as a > > combine." > > > > The wife picks up the spoon and continues cooking, with no comment to > > her husband. As she put the dinner on the table, she dropped the pepper > > shaker on the floor. While she was bent over picking it up, the farmer > > said, "Honey, I take that back. Your butt is as big as two combines!" >The > > wife picks up the pepper, sets it on the table and begins eating with no > > comment to her husband. > > > > Later on that night, after the couple had gone to bed, the farmer > > started feeling a little frisky. As he cuddled up to his wife, he > > noticed that there was no response on her end. He tapped his > > wife on the shoulder and asked her what was wrong. She replied, "Do you > > really think that I am going to fire up $600,000 dollars worth of > > machinery for one little corn cob?"
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Post by donkey on Aug 14, 2006 4:59:20 GMT -6
A guy from Arkansas passed away and left his entire estate to his beloved widow, but she can't touch it 'til she's 14.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How do you know when you're staying in a Arkansas hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I got a leak in my sink," and the clerk replies, "Go ahead"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ How can you tell if an Arkansas redneck is married? There's dried tobacco juice on both sides of his pickup truck.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Arkansas to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Arkansas? Documentaries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Where was the toothbrush invented? Arkansas. If it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teeth brush.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ An Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup on I-30 and says to the driver, "Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout wut?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Did you hear about the $3 million Arkansas State Lottery? The winner gets $3.00 a year for a million years.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The governor's mansion in Arkansas burned down! Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. The library was a total loss. Both books-poof! up in flames and he hadn't even finished coloring one of them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A new law was recently passed in Arkansas. When a couple gets divorced, they are STILL cousins.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A guy walks into a bar in Arkansas and orders a mudslide. The bartender looks at the man and says, "You ain't from 'round here are ya?
"No," replies the man, "I'm from Pennsylvania".
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well, what do ya do in Pennsylvania?"
"I'm a taxidermist," said the man. The bartender, looking very bewildered now, asks, "What in the world is a tax-e-derm-ist? The man says, "I mount animals." The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar........"It's okay boys, he's one of us!"
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Hoot
Crappie
Posts: 310
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Post by Hoot on Aug 14, 2006 13:02:43 GMT -6
;D DONKEY, JUST BECAUSE I CARE, I'VE GOT TO SAT THIS TO YOU, AFTER WORK GET SOME REST, IT'S NOT NICE TO PICK ON ARKANSAS, JUST BECAUSE THERE DIFFERENT THAN US, THATS HOW THEY WERE RAISED, AND THEY DON'T KNOW ANY BETTER.
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